Last week, I believe that everyone I met with took a few breaths before I arrived. This could have been a tactic to ready themselves for the possible barrage of questions, but I highly doubt it. I am inclined to believe their reasoning, which is,
our breath is essential to the regulation of our mind and body, so when we breathe before we act, our actions are better. They are rational, considered and thoughtful. This is the foundation for good engagement and dialogue.
This is one reason why trauma-informed organisations and schools are spending time teaching mindfulness – more to come in a subsequent blog post.
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| The signs edging the parkland of Homewood Health |
We can all change elements of our working practice to improve our engagement and relationships with who we work and interact with. As I’m coming to understand this should be our first consideration when becoming a trauma-informed organisation, or a trauma-informed individual.
I felt like I was playing the same record last week. I was told multiple times that the answer to being trauma informed, is basic. As human beings, we are hard-wired for relationships. From the intimate to the community and the nation, all our structures are built on relationships. Our relations matter. So, wherever there is the capacity for relationships, which is everywhere, we should be investing a lot in ensuring they are good ones. The better our relationships the better our structures and institutions at every level.
Where to begin?
I have been told numerous times that an essential aspect of working with people who have sustained trauma is to be critical of your own working approach. This doesn’t mean abuse or self-deprecation. This means open to honest feedback from the participants of programs and from colleagues. It means both enthusiasm for learning and not being afraid to change the way we work.
Being open to honesty means we must invite it.
When we work with people, we have to work with them. If our decisions are made in isolation, we are probably doing the wrong thing, and unintentionally making someone feel uncomfortable, reluctant to share ideas with us, and ultimately unsafe. This runs the risk of entrenching trauma, and without us realising it we can easily construct a power dynamic which disempowers the person we are attempting to build a relationship with.
Inclusion, honesty, transparency, and critical reflection are all principles to be utilised in our work when we engage in healing and recovery from trauma. When these principles are embedded in our working process, we bring people together, and we actively move from doing work to someone to doing work with, which is an empowering move! Working with people means that we believe that they have the answers, and together we’re going to unleash them.
Asking the questions,
- what can we do better?
- what can we change?
- what should we stop doing?
Are all important in informing those we work with that we are on this journey of healing together.
This can all sound daunting.
There must be just one place that we can begin. I spent some of this week talking with a social innovator. He spoke of identifying leverage points to change the culture of systems (our work) for wide-scale positive impact.
In this blog post, I am advocating for breath as one of those critical leverage points.
It's green, it's alive and breathing!
I have limited facts about Toronto, I spent too much time on its dishevelled public transport system to engage with its origins. What did strike me is that Toronto feels green. Its great lake is edged with condos and park land. In amongst its gridded and curved streets, traffic works and jams, industrial sites and train tracks, there are parks and trees and grassy kerbs. Toronto breathes! The system that gives us oxygen, that gives us our breath, has broken through the city’s concrete crust.
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| disclaimer: this is not my photo! It is just outside of where I was staying, bar one or two I lost all my photos from Toronto. |
It reminded me of what one of the elders said in Winnipeg,
I don’t want to hear us say that we do this alone. We don’t do this life alone. We are not the boss of it. We all breathe, don’t we? You couldn’t breathe without those trees. That’s just one thing, but it proves that we are connected and we don’t do this life alone.
So, I believe that each person I met with this week, took a considered breath because they knew that breath is a sign of connection. Their breath helped them to pause before I walked through the door. This detached them from the last thing they were doing so they could fully engage with my inquiry. I was told on three separate occasions that paying attention to our breath is essential for purposeful engagement. Breathing properly, calming our mind, opening it honestly to others without fear and anxiety is the beginning of good relationships.
This may sound trivial but it’s not. It has been used to great effect at the Gatehouse, working with those healing from childhood sexual abuse; at the Jean Tweed Centre, working with women with severe substance addictions; and at the Homewood Health Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) clinic, working with returned military and police officers who have been exposed to harrowing events throughout their careers. These are some of the most extreme cases of trauma. It was in these environments that they had brought trauma-informed approaches down to the simplest elements of life. If we applied these techniques across society, maybe we would never have to deal with the consequences of trauma that are witnessed in these recovery environments.
Visiting places that breathe as a practice
When I walked into the Gatehouse, nestled in a Toronto park, I was given a coffee, a hug, and a comfy couch to sit on. I was asked how I felt, how I was enjoying Canada and whether I was breathing ok. By the time we focused on my breath I realised how measured it was, how relaxed and calm I was, and how ready I was to engage. I was told that this was being done with purpose and I was being engaged with real intention.
At Homewood Health, I walked around the extensive hospital with its many wards and in patients, and then, with my approval, I was directed outside, to the sunshine. Again, I was asked how I was feeling, and how was Canada. I was told that this interaction was intentional. That right from the initial engagement of breathing we were building a relationship based on trust, integrity, honesty, and most importantly inquiry and curiosity.
Warning: Intention can’t be faked. If you fake intention the person you are engaging with can tell (on all sorts of complex neurobiological levels, and the release of stress hormones, all science that I am yet to comprehend) and you can’t form positive relationships.
Tip: If you breathe effectively and pause, your brain is ready to connect, your central nervous system is calm and not on alert, and you are ready to begin the construction of a positive relationship. Intentional engagement should begin to feel natural.
At Homewood Health the managing director of the PTSD clinic said,
What I am doing with you is what we do here. IT IS BASIC. I want to develop a relationship with you because I care. That is how people recover from trauma, they realise others care and they have hope.
The key ingredient of healing is relationships. There is nothing more foundational in our relations, in our very existence than breathing.
At the last place, I visited, just outside of Toronto on the lakeshore, I was told that the families they work with make the decisions about who works with them. The families (all of whom are living with complex needs) get to pick their team of wraparound support. Once they have their team, usually composed of half service providers, and half family and friends, they get to decide what they want to work on. They begin to organise their team to help them get the solutions they want. Not once are they told what to do, and what they should be aiming for. It is impossible for us to know the wants and desires of those we work with without building equal and trusting relationships.
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| geese taking a breath, I am sure, as they prepare for flight |
Next time, when there is an issue, or someone comes to ask for support, or merely requests an interview, let’s take a breath and pause. Before we all rush in to help, let’s be reflective of our engagements and think about the interactions we want to have. With a considered breath, we can all lay the foundation to begin our work in building positive and empowering relationships with everyone we interact with.
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